What’s the Czech word for thank you?
...I ask the waitress as she plants two dark beers on the table alongside some coiled deer meat and dumplings. Though not the British kind, of course. And not the typical Eastern kind neither according to Anastasia.
‘Dekuji’ she replied.
Which was easy enough to remember because it’s pronounced ‘dickweed’ in English.
Footnote... I could imagine this could inspire a sketch for Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry would knowingly say dickweed passing it off as Dekuji, to everyone in the hospitality sector, only to get called out on it by a surly taxi driver on the way to the airport. (I’ve fleshed that out and you can read that at the footer*).
The problem with Prague
Prague is in the top five most visited capital cities in Europe. Like every major European city it’s gone to the tourists. It’s not as bad as Paris, but it’s still borderline miserable.
Czeching in
The hotel reception had an array of champagne flutes on a drinks trolley, sans champagne. I asked the receptionist what the glasses were there for.
'They’re there for the welcome drinks,'
'Where’s the champagne?'
'We just took that away,'
Welcome to Prague. This already feels like Bully’s Prize Board. Look at what you could have won.
Out and about: Fashion
The fashion in Prague is up there on my Mount Rushmore for most horrible cities for style. And I’m including poverty stricken cities in Africa, India, current strips of Gaza and Greater Yarmouth. Everyone looks like they’re in a part-time grunge band, and not a very good one.
Streets & demographic
'This is not a place for high heels,' Anastasia remarked as we walked passed another Cannabis shop. Not that she wears any in my company. With me being 5'6 I got Anastasia to sign the 'no-heels when out together' treaty on our first date, otherwise known as the Cruise-Kidman act. But right now she’s not saying that out of deference.
The cobbled strips that eddy most pavements, roads and tramlines would be tricky to negotiate for anybody well-versed in the dark arts of high-heel wearing.
Sardines
The 9th Century Prague Castle is the largest coherent castle complex in the world. I don't know the difference between a coherent and an incoherent castle, nor do I wish to find out.
As much as I love Baroque architecture and watching the precession of the guards through someone's camera phone boomed out on a selfie stick, I'm here to see the courtyard that doubled for the exteriors of the Kremlin in Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. I’m sorry, I'm just more of a 'modern history' kinda guy.
And after all, I've seen the changing of the guard at the Buckingham Palace, once you’ve seen a bunch of guys in scarlet uniforms and bearskin hats march up and down asphalt for 45 minutes at a snail’s pace, you get the idea.
The National Museum
The stairs alone were worth the cost of entry
The National Museum is just flat out confusing. It's like walking into the shop in the Wicker Man where demijohns labeled 'foreskins' are housed under coats of dust. It's like the curator emptied a dead relative's loft that was teeming with minutely curious yet ultimately worthless shit. Sacks and sacks of the stuff, and decided to cram it all in vintage glass cabinets. When the cabinets themselves are more interesting than the objects inside them, you know you're in trouble. I say to Anastasia, 'I don’t think the Czechs did enough pillaging back in the day.'
I mean us Brits may have the crap weather and the crap food, but at least we put the effort in. Can you imagine the logistics of schlepping those Elgin Marbles back from the pantheon? The Czechs imagined it and said, we're all good. Seems like hard work. We'll stick to displaying irreverent trays of snails cryogenically frozen in the 70's and Bull Frogs in mason jars, thank you very much.
No foreign secretary form any country is coming to the Prague National Museum and saying, we need this 70s retro lunch box that may or may not have been owned by a Beatle groupie from the 60s back.
Yet the stairs alone were worth the cost of entry. The marbled staircase seen in films such as Casino Royale and Mission Impossible (yes that’s the main reason we went there) was built in the neo-renaissance style by Josef Schultz and is simply stunning.
It has the look and feel of a set of Penrose stairs. And that is Prague in a nutshell, you could spend hours walking around it, and glean little from it. This is still the place for stag do's. For gumball rally rendezvous’. But it's not a couples retreat. And if you think otherwise, then you're a dickweed. Speaking of.
*'Dickweed' for Curb Your Enthusiasm
LARRY: How long 'till we get to the airport?
TAXI DRIVER: 20 minutes.
LARRY: Dickweed. (Smiles to himself)
TAXI DRIVER: 'Don't think I don’t know what you're doing.
LARRY: What am I doing?
TAXI DRIVER: You're calling me dickweed.
LARRY: I am not. I'm thanking you. I was told that's how you say thank you in Czech. Dickweed.
TAXI DRIVER: Oh it's one big joke to you isn't it? You think I haven’t heard this one before? You tourists think it's a laugh riot don’t you
LARRY: I don't know what you're talking about?
TAXI DRIVER: There's only one dickweed in this taxi my friend and it isn't me.
LARRY: Oh yeah?
TAXI DRIVER: You know you should be thanking me right now for not throwing you out on the freeway.
LARRY: You're right, ok ok. I should be dickweeding you?
Tires screech.
Cut to Larry being left on the side of the freeway with all his bags, the Taxi driver zooming off. Larry shouting 'Dickweed, Dickweed!!' After him.
Note: Prague photos courtsey of tie_another_day
About the author
Peter Brooker is the co-author of From Tailors With Love an Evolution of Menswear Through the Bond Films and is also Editor-in-Chief of From Tailors With Love, a blog, vlog and podcast dedicated to men’s costumes and cinematic style.
Follow Pete on Instagram: @therewillbebond (over 22k followers)
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Above: Pete with his Osterley Safety Razor.
